Creative solutions for the AFL's homophobia problem

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Another week, another AFL player being obsessed with us, right? That’s how it’s felt lately, anyway. Tbh with the rate that they’re dropping f-bombs it’s a miracle they have time to do anything else, like drink drive or treat their wives terribly.

ANYWAY – at this point I’ve been running out of ways to write “grown man says gay slur’ without my brain liquefying into a grisly mush, which sounds gross and messy. So, I decided to pitch some… let’s just say creative solutions to the AFL’s homophobia problem.

Elsewhere in the news, NSW Premier Chris Minns has copped fierce backlash over comments about “biological differences” needing to be reflected in law, which were made while every conservative politician under the sun is demanding blood because of the result of last week’s Giggle v Tickle appeal. Patrick Lenton has covered this wave of politicians demanding changes to the Sex Discrimination Act, almost all of whom claim they're fighting for women’s rights.  So, we’ve fact-checked these people’s track records with voting and policy, to see if they actually care about the wellbeing of women. Spoiler (and this will shock you): they really fucking don’t 🙃

But! Not all news is filled with dread. Kylie Minogue is celebrating 40 years of serving us pop perfection and emotional support bangers – and she’s going on tour to celebrate that milestone. Plus, she dropped her new single AND her Netflix documentary dropped last night. Only Australia’s pop princess can cure what ails us; thank you Queen Minogue ✨👑

There are few things more deeply, spiritually Australian than a bunch of AFL blokes insisting they’ve definitely evolved past homophobia while simultaneously calling each other “f****t” on national television because someone missed a handball.

Every single season, without fail, we go through the same ritual. A player uses a homophobic slur on-field. The AFL acts shocked. The club releases a statement about how the player is “deeply remorseful”. Then everyone moves on until another bloke inevitably decides the best way to express frustration during sport is by hurling a slur that queer people have historically had screamed at them while getting bashed or thrown off cliffs.

So, in the spirit of community service, I would like to present six possible solutions to the AFL’s ongoing homophobia problem. Some practical, some deeply stupid, some that might get me thrown in jail – but hey, they might work!

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by Chloe Sargeant

In the wake of last week’s Tickle v Giggle for Girls appeal result, NSW Premier Chris Minns has become the latest Australian politician to suggest rhetoric commonly used by anti-transgender activists should be reflected in legislation.

Speaking at a press conference, Minns said “biological differences” must be “reflected in the law.”

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by Chloe Sargeant

More gay, bisexual and trans people can now give blood or plasma.
Find out more

Pop star, gay icon, and MOTHER of the nation, Kylie Minogue has confirmed plans for a 40th anniversary tour in 2027, which will mark four decades since the release of her debut single, The Loco-Motion.

Minogue revealed the plans to The Sunday Times‘ Style magazine while discussing her upcoming Netflix documentary series, Kylie, confirming she is preparing a major tour to celebrate the milestone.

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by Patrick Lenton

In the wake of the landmark Giggle v Tickle appeal decision, conservative politicians from a variety of parties are suddenly desperately trying to convince you they care about women’s rights.

But there’s a cynical part of me that wonders if these politicians and parties have embraced their new status as defenders of women only to take advantage of a perceived wedge issue around trans rights. Let’s take a look at their historical stances on women and make up our minds.

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by Patrick Lenton